"This isn’t about you. This was never about you." No! No, not again! (I started running.) Please, let them be there, still practicing the ritual when I return. Let Xander make wise cracks, Cordelia make fun of them, Willow research some prophesy, Giles have his nose in a book, and Kendra guarding all of them. Don’t make them suffer for my mistakes. Don’t let them die because I was careless. Don’t take them away from me because I was selfish.

//Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does.//

Change. One night, one decision, one careless mistake: all change your life so drastically. I never saw it coming. But I should have. I should have seen the dangers. I should have seen the consequenses. I should have known not to leave them alone. I should have remembered. Last time was a warning. Everything turned out fine. I saved the day after almost completely distroying it. I had another chance. This time was real. There are no second chances, no mercy, no hope. Angel, Angelus, whoever the hell he is right now-he’s won. He’s killed me. Maybe not physically, but emotionally I’m gone. Xander was right; I wanted to get my boyfriend back. Look where its got me. Giles, Cordelia, and Xander are gone. I’m not even sure if the vamps were the ones to take them. Willow is probably under the book case. And Kendra…" (I dove onto the floor.)

//So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.//

Kendra! Oh God, Kendra! Damnit! I should be the one lying dead on the floor, not you. It’s not your fault. It’s not fair to you; you couldn’t have known. If life was fair though, I’d be dead and you’d be alive. One decision, one mistake. That’s all it took to kill Jenny, to kill her, to kill me. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from tonight, it’s that one moment can change your entire life. Or worse yet, it can change somebody else’s. I can’t look back on what I did and torture myself. I have to look forward, think about what to do next. No matter what I do, she’s dead. The only thing I can do now is to make sure this can’t happen again. I know I can’t control the big moments. I have to know how to react. I need to- "FREEZE!" //You’ll see what I mean.//

The End