I Dreamed a Dream

"I Dreamed a Dream"
By: Jaclyn Amy

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights or characters to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Les Miserables. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by Joss Wheden, 20th Century Fox, Sandollar Productions, etc. "I Dreamed a Dream" is owned by Alain Boublil, Claude-Michael Schonberg, etc. No infringement intended.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

It has been three years, and I still sometimes wakeup and think Angel is here. I can still feel his arms around me, and when I close my eyes, I can still see his face. I play his voice in my head over and over until tears fill my eyes. It should’ve gotten easier over time. The pain should’ve left. As the Slayer, I should not still be mourning. But I can’t help but think of when he and I were a couple, madly in love. When everything was wonderful. When I counted the minutes until I saw him. But that is gone.

I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted

I remember when I thought that nothing could separate us. I was so young and blind. I never imagined what kind of pain that life could put you through. I thought my duty was such a terrible fate. I thought love would last forever; we would be together forever. I dreamed that I would spend every night in his bed. I dreamed that he would always be there to help me solve a problem or kiss my tears away. I was so oblivious of life’s cruelties. I took for granted the fact that I could see him every day. Life was perfect.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

But it couldn’t last. No, life had to take him away. Life took my dreams away. I couldn’t live a life of happines. I remember my seventeen birthday night so vividly. We had run through the rain to his appartment after facing the Judge. The pain of a cut I had was emence. "Take off you shirt," he had ordered. I followed his command. "It’s already closed up." We kissed the most passionate kiss. "Buffy, maybe we shouldn’t-" "Just kiss me." He did just that…and more. It was the best experience of my life, and by far the most memorable. His sweet kisses, his gentle hands, the words "I love you." I do not regret making love to him; only the unknown consequences that had come with it. I had lay in his arms all night, but when I awoke, he was gone. Little did I know, it would be forever.

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed

My first instinct when there is a problem still is to run to him. I hope that one day, he will come back and we will finish our lives together. But that can’t and won’t ever happen. I know that Angel is gone, and there isn’t anything I can do to bring him back. I can still hope, though. I think hope is the only thing that keeps me alive. Hope and love. Though my life is so different from the way I desired, I can’t let it affect my future. Life is bitch; I’ve learned to accept it. But I’ll never accept that he is gone. I love him, but I’m on my own. Life has killed the dream I dream.

I Dreamed A Dream